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Mr. Fiscal

Mr. Fiscal has written 66 posts for these things change

why aren’t you listening to guthrie govan right now?

look, guys. i know you have your own individual and relevant tastes in music. that’s okay, it’s what makes america great: the right of choice. but if you people aren’t listening to Guthrie Govan’s Erotic Cakes, you’re missing out BIG time. here are a few irrefutable facts that will invariably lead to you going to your local record store and buying ten copies of this album.

1. the album is named ‘erotic cakes’

how much more edgy can you get? it’s sexy, delicious, and when it comes down to it, everybody loves cake, no matter what it’s shaped like.

2. it’s an ear-pleaser

this album is about as smooth as the smoothest thing you’ve ever experienced, times 100. minus four. plus 12 billion. yeah. that smooth.

3. i like it, therefore anybody with any kind of sophistication will like it too

i don’t mean to talk myself up too much, but i do have better music taste than all of you, and you could all learn a thing or two by paying attention to what i’m listening to on a daily basis. this is really a kind of charity i’m doing here, giving you the heads-up on a solid album that you would have never thought to get yourself. you’re welcome.

so there you have it, if you’re not completely convinced that you should go buy this album twenty times over, you’re illiterate. but fret not, because in this age of information i can convince you with the power of youtube:

go get this album, and then feel free to email me your thanks. i’ll be happy to receive them.

i never thought there was this much to think about

like i said before, i’ve been on overdrive lately.

first off, i’ve been trying to finally kick this cigarette habit. last week i was smoking two or three cigs a day, and i was feeling really good about it, but now i’m back to five or six per day, which is considerably higher (if you’re me). i’ve been smoking cigarettes habitually since i got here in 2008, and i’ll admit, at first it was awesome. cigarettes made me think i looked cool, gave me an ‘in’ with a lot of random people who also smoked (which was good for a freshman) and i never thought i’d be smoking for a long time. now it’s nearly four years later, and i’m sick of them. they smell like shit, taste like shit, and cost a shit ton of money (shit!). not to mention my loss of lung capacity. it’s pathetic. and for what? a few minutes of boredom alleviated? are cigarettes actually interesting? am i any less bored smoking than not?

so even though it’s somewhat cliche and contrived, i’m ‘cutting back’ on my smoking, with the intention of complete cessation by summertime. i’m interested to see what happens, aren’t you?!?!11//?!

i didn’t mean to talk that much about smoking. i was really hoping to get into some of the philosophy i’ve been reading and listening to recently.

but now i’m reconsidering

because there’s just too damn much.

and writing about it all in one sitting would be wack. plus i’m hungry and the heat from my laptop is searing my thighs.

so.. email me if youve got any smoking cessation success stories or tips!

making myself vulnerable

lately I’ve been reading. a lot.

i suppose that’s part of the reason i haven’t written in a while; after reading brilliant philosophy or listening to an enthralling lecture, it’s hard to write anything of your own.

that being said, i want to get back to writing, and i’m going to start by talking about Dr. Brené Brown and her lectures at TED. (found here and here)

in these talks, i found a certain resonance with one of the things Brown said about depression; that in nearly all cases, it is brought on by shame. shame is the voice telling you that you’re not smart enough, good enough, strong enough, pretty enough. shame is the one telling you you’re not worthy.

shame resonates differently with men than it does with women. women are constantly under societal pressure to “do it all, do it well, and never let them see you sweat.” as well as constant bombardment from advertisements and pop culture about what the perfect female should look like. men only have one societal mantra: never be perceived as weak.

we’ve all felt some sort of shame before, and it is always born in vulnerability. when people are vulnerable, they’re completely undefended, completely helpless. while vulnerability can lead to shame and depression and heartbreak, vulnerability is also the birthplace of love, of empathy and of connection.

when people are open with each other and not afraid to be vulnerable, connections and empathy are free to form. and despite the misconception that vulnerability is weakness, it exudes an inner strength that is unparalleled by veiled actions and shameful avoidance of vulnerability.

i think one of the reasons i haven’t blogged in a while is because i realized how vulnerable it really made me. i felt shame when i thought about all the emotionally charged posts i made public, and it made me want to avoid writing any more. all kinds of different people can come onto this page and read what i’ve written, and they could potentially ruin me or humiliate me using my own words. but in being vulnerable and writing what feels right, i only hope to promote more empathy and connection. i hope that somebody feels the same way i do, so they can know they aren’t alone out there. being open and defenseless can be hard, sometimes excruciatingly so, but it’s the only way we can connect with each other.

i hope you watch and enjoy the two videos above, i did. knowing the destructive thought patterns that occur in your head is the first step; making those thoughts known. i’m going to do more in my life to promote vulnerability (hopefully), starting with this.

hey guys, THIS is what you should be doing with your life. (srsly)

yesterday, via word-of-mouth from ian rockefeller (@ianrockefeller on twitter), i found THE coolest thing. it’s the most intense peice of philosophy i’ve read in a long time, perhaps ever. this guy obviously did his homework– it’s a bit wordy, but it’s more fun that way. If you wish to get a fresh perspective on a few things, i suggest you read it. at least page through it, and don’t be intimidated.

http://schinsideas.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/mitchell-heisman-suicide-note.pdf

^^ here’s the link to the pdf, download it and you’ll see what i mean.

please?

‘come with me,’ she whispered, ‘nobody’s looking, we can make a clean escape’

‘clean? none of this is clean.’

she focused her eyes on mine, trying to pierce my waning resolve.

‘please? i can’t do this alone.’

‘i know, but.. god, isn’t there any more time?’

‘how much time do you need?’

‘I.. i…’

‘no more waiting. let’s be happy now.’

and with that she grabbed my hand and we stole away, together.

he writes these words and punctuates them accordingly

he awakens cold and wet in the pink recliner facing the television. he stares at the ceiling, regaining feeling in his sweat-soaked skin. his dreams had been of her.

it’s 10 pm and he doesn’t feel like sleeping again- not just yet. he opens his laptop and his face is illuminated by the soft blue glow. the computer stirs, kicks, breathes. the lights strung across the windowtop blink mindlessly, keeping time with his heartbeat.

the light patter of keys rebounds against the walls of the living room. his eyes jump with amphetaminic frenzy around the bitmap, reading, gathering, ignoring, internalizing. what good is a body in the abyss of pixels and microprocessors? what defines the soul amidst the countless faces staring back at you in your reclining chair?

he settles into his muscles’ least-impactful position; the left hand props his head up while his right navigates the trackpad. the silence is intermittently filled by his sentences of key-tapping and punctuated by the click of the mouse. the light from the street juts awkwardly through the window, landing somewhere on the ceiling. a car beeps impatiently down the block, the floorboards sigh as they settle.

and he keeps on for hours, making sure not to entertain the dreams that wretched him awake and panting. his sub-conscious should have known better. his waking consciousness will correct the error. delete. delete. delete. delete. delete.

soon he will grow tired again. soon he will pull his eyes away from the screen, pry his hand from the trackpad and force his body into bed. soon he will close his eyes, soon he will fall asleep. and then and only then will he dream. dream of her, of them, of all of that. he’ll dream and be free.

do you guys even remember jar jar binks?

i’m disappointed in you guys. i thought we were all on the same page. i thought we all agreed that with the completion of the 3 star wars ‘prequels’, george lucas swiftly and effectively raped our childhood.

and of those 3 prequels, the phantom menace is easily the worst one. i mean come on. half of the plot involves motherfucking jar jar binks, the most hated character of the silver screen (he deserves it). jar jar is, hands-down, the most infuriating character to watch. george lucas must really hate his viewers, or maybe he just doesnt give a fuck about them.

and look- i know kids are ‘cute’ and all, but for the love of god; the kid they got to play anakin skywalker is THE worst actor on the planet (then in episodes 2 and 3 they replaced him with an even more horrendous actor). and i’m not saying that episode one is devoid of acting talent; they’ve got liam neeson and natalie portman. but for christ sake, i hate that little anakin with all of my heart.

Jake Lloyd portrayed 9-year-old Anakin Skywalker

derp derr derrrp use forse derp

do you guys remember that big fight at the end of the movie? the one where the big-ass donut-shaped trade federation fleet ships are busting naboo’s balls and all those yellow naboo ships go and fight them? and anakin activates one with his ass as he falls head-first into it and then miraculously blows up a whole ship? yeah. i do too.

and that fight with darth maul, that was so lame. maul is the most gangster sith lord, and yet he is easily chopped in half by obi wan. i was so disappointed when i first saw that scene.

stop feeding these hollywood trolls who just want your cash. george lucas is going to make millions (probably billions) off of this whole 3D craze, and you’re helping him do it. you’re helping him and all producers and studios like him who will sell america any steaming pile of shit as long as it makes money. so i guess if you’re willing to hand your money to these hollywood half-wits, then i hope you enjoy seeing jar jar binks in stunning, high-definition 3-D. i hope you enjoy every ‘meesa’ and ‘yoosa’ blasted into your eardrums by Dolby Digital 5.1 SurroundSound™. and most of all, i hope you enjoy knowing that we’re all in for much more jar jar, and you’re the ones who brought him back. (SMH).

there goes nate again, babbling incoherantly

i can’t stop thinking about that vast void beyond college. a world without school. it scares the fuck out of me.

for so long i’ve been cradled in the protective womb of academia, and i’ve loved it. i mean, c’mon. being a student is fucking awesome. for the entire history of western civilization, students have been revered as seekers, dreamers. now i stand on the verge of becoming a nobody, a wash-up, a has-been.

it scares the shit out of me that soon i’m going to have to submit, to surrender. my ‘fuck it’ attitude i hold so dear, i’ll need to cast it away. i’ll soon be full-tilt in the rat race that makes up our society, and it’s going to suck.

maybe one day i’ll even meet a girl i’ll want to marry, and then i’ll probably marry her, and then she’ll probably divorce me and leave me broken and helpless and dead.

all these things are possible out there, in the real world. it’s fucking terrifying.

so next time you’re wondered why i’m stressed, re-read this post.

WE are a part of this together

Have you ever noticed how when somebody talks about their favorite sports team, it’s always “we won” or “we scored a goal”. we like to be a part of the spectacle of the sport, part of that world. 

but when we talk about the development of our roads, cities, communities, we’re always saying “they’re making a new highway” or “they’ve discovered a new drug for helping aids victims”. why is it that we seperate ourselves from the part of our society that gets things done? there are no people that exist in any city planning commission or zoning board that are not essentially connected to us. we’re much more connected to those people than the people playing the football game on the field.

it’s not necessary to seperate yourself from the progress and change in society. i would like to change my own thinking on it too, i’d like to hear things like “we’re building new communities for the city.” “WE’re advancing the internet.” “WE determine our future.”

because at the end of the day, we are all together in this. every one of us. 

tuesday funnn

so as the title suggests, tuesday was a good’n. i finally decided what i should do for my semester in digital imaging. i’m gonna draw a comic book.

but that’s not all, because, you see, a comic book needs to be ABOUT something. it’s necessary to have a ‘plot’ that’s both ‘intriguing’ and ‘true’, which is why i’m going to draw a comic book about psychedelics.

i mean, i’m not one to say that i’m particularly ‘well-versed’ in this kind of thing, but i feel like a trippy topic will give me a lot of leeway in terms of design and plot. i think i’m going to make the characters go through some weird shit, most likely finding inner nirvana, or death. either or. again, i’m not a professional psychedelian, but i think i know a thing or two from watching ‘superjail’.

i feel like this project is going to be the consummation of a dream of mine. i’ve always wanted to make a comic book, to be a cartoonist. it’s fun to create a world with your pen. and you’re basically god of the world those doodles live in; it’s like film making at its core. story-telling the way YOU see it. that’s what makes art worth while.

i can’t decide if i want to do the thing in color or just black and white, but i suppose i’ll decide that sometime down the road. who knows? maybe i’ll just do the whole thing in highlighter colors! then NOBODY will be able to read it (avant-garde status)!

i’ll be sure to share this comic whenever i get around to it. you can all be a part of the creative process; you can see my progress and give me pointers and i’ll ignore those pointers (just like a real artist!!). it’ll be fun, and it’ll give you an inflated sense of self-worth, especially if i make it look like i’m actually listening and taking pointers from you people.

well i don’t want to get you too excited too soon, i’m still working on initial sketches. but soon, my children.  sooooooon.

June 2017
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