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Critique, in my pompous opinion (impo), Media

do you guys even remember jar jar binks?

i’m disappointed in you guys. i thought we were all on the same page. i thought we all agreed that with the completion of the 3 star wars ‘prequels’, george lucas swiftly and effectively raped our childhood.

and of those 3 prequels, the phantom menace is easily the worst one. i mean come on. half of the plot involves motherfucking jar jar binks, the most hated character of the silver screen (he deserves it). jar jar is, hands-down, the most infuriating character to watch. george lucas must really hate his viewers, or maybe he just doesnt give a fuck about them.

and look- i know kids are ‘cute’ and all, but for the love of god; the kid they got to play anakin skywalker is THE worst actor on the planet (then in episodes 2 and 3 they replaced him with an even more horrendous actor). and i’m not saying that episode one is devoid of acting talent; they’ve got liam neeson and natalie portman. but for christ sake, i hate that little anakin with all of my heart.

Jake Lloyd portrayed 9-year-old Anakin Skywalker

derp derr derrrp use forse derp

do you guys remember that big fight at the end of the movie? the one where the big-ass donut-shaped trade federation fleet ships are busting naboo’s balls and all those yellow naboo ships go and fight them? and anakin activates one with his ass as he falls head-first into it and then miraculously blows up a whole ship? yeah. i do too.

and that fight with darth maul, that was so lame. maul is the most gangster sith lord, and yet he is easily chopped in half by obi wan. i was so disappointed when i first saw that scene.

stop feeding these hollywood trolls who just want your cash. george lucas is going to make millions (probably billions) off of this whole 3D craze, and you’re helping him do it. you’re helping him and all producers and studios like him who will sell america any steaming pile of shit as long as it makes money. so i guess if you’re willing to hand your money to these hollywood half-wits, then i hope you enjoy seeing jar jar binks in stunning, high-definition 3-D. i hope you enjoy every ‘meesa’ and ‘yoosa’ blasted into your eardrums by Dolby Digital 5.1 SurroundSound™. and most of all, i hope you enjoy knowing that we’re all in for much more jar jar, and you’re the ones who brought him back. (SMH).

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February 2012
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