so i’m sitting here, mindlessly clicking through certain websites in order to find work, any kind of work, anything with a paycheck and peace of mind. and what i’m finding all over the place are all these online applications. and they suck.
first off, i’m much better at face-to-face interaction than online correspondance. this is usually a strong point of mine, but with an online application, it’s hard to get my charm across the bandwidth barrier. computers aren’t easy to talk with, especially when they ask weird questions of me.
this brings me to my next point about online applications: they’re fucking bizarre. allow me to explain; i was filling out an application for an electronics retailer when all of a sudden it asks me to complete a 10-min ‘quiz’ of sorts, and then a 20-min ‘personality questionnaire’. give me a fucking break. these personality shits are so lame. being able to work at a best buy doesn’t require you to have dazzling interpersonal skills, yet this questionnaire asks me about 100 questions about how i deal with people and how i do my work. i mean obviously i’m going to lie about everything on an electronic questionnaire, i’m not going to let the computer take note of all of my flaws and personality traits for REAL, it’s just a screening. and it’s bullshit that i have to go through that kind of a test before an actual interview. i mean, c’mon guys. stop putting this shit in your applications. it’s not doing any good.
my last gripe is about the software itself. it’s fucking lame. i was applying for dollartree and their webpage wouldn’t even render correctly. really? i mean c’mon, man. a competent web designer could fix that problem with two lines of html, yet you fail to even bother. what does that lead me to believe about your company? if you can’t even have your application page load correctly in chrome, what am i to think of the rest of your company structure and management? not much.
anyway, i guess i’m just frustrated with this process. it’s draining of all my mental energy, and it’s really confounding to think of how low below the bar some of these applications are. just let me call in to a store or something. then you can hear my charming, young-man-with-a-future voice, and you can hear my impeccable manners and charlatan intonation as i plead you for gainful employment. isn’t that the way it was meant to be?